Suspense Before a Hurricane

I just got here to Tulum, Mexico a week ago and for the most part it has been raining since I landed.

This morning I visited the Tulum ruins with some friends during a brief hour that the sun came out. These Mayan ruins have been there for hundreds of years perched right on the edges of the cliffs over the Caribbean ocean. No hurricane has destroyed them yet. The Mayan people must have sensed this was a safe spot. The thought is possibly giving me a false sense of safety.

Tropical storm IDA may turn into a hurricane tonight. The hurricane center has now posted a watch from Tulum northward. Ahhhhh, El Caribe! So much water! My feet are getting shriveled and all my towels are wet and soggy. What to do now? I have a few leaks in my roof that will certainly get bigger tomorrow. More wet towels.

I have been through 3 hurricanes here now. They are so unpredictable, but this one seems mild compared to Emily, Wilma and Dean. There is this feeling of suspension every time. You really can’t continue doing what you normally do, but yet there are so many hours before you actually know if you should prepare. You have to do SOMETHING.

So, I just put a few things away out in the garden, but then thought I better take a shower because water and electric could go out.

Now I ‘m writing this short little blog so I can keep visiting the National Hurricane Center web site. In hurricanes past I experience this temporary sense of purpose. The immediacy of it kicks in your survival instincts.

Oops, otta go. It’s almost 7pm. Time for the next NHCC public advisory.

Your Toes Look Like Little Cocktail Party Sausages

She laughed. I can’t believe she actually laughed.

Getting my mom to laugh before her various illnesses and progressing state of vascular dementia was challenging. How odd. Now, she laughs more.

What a gift. Even if it is only once and a while, it is a gift.

Just for a moment her dark house with curtains on every window, lit up.

The other day I was helping her change her socks and shoes, or maybe I was putting on her comfy white slippers?? I don’t remember. Because of her congestive heart failure, sometimes her feet swell up. I looked at her feet and said to her in a straight voice, “your toes look like little cocktail party sausages!’

Well, she howled. Tears, snot, and drool streamed from her face. I was delighted.

This is something that I probably never would have said to her in the past. Maybe because the tone in her house was always so serious and a bit depressing. Or maybe because I never helped her put her shoes on before.

To me it seems that the little bit of dementia that has set in has created a sort of “giddy forgetfulness” in her — as if she has always just had one glass of wine. It appears that she is happier now that she can’t think, or should I say over-think, so much.

I bet we all could use a bit this type of forgetfulness. It seems her illness has brought her more into the present moment.

Who would have thunk it? Dementia = yoga.

Gauging Your Post-Relationship Progress: Driving By Your Ex’s Place

For the last 6 years I have only riden around town on my bicycle in this medium-sized, Caribbean Mexican town, but over these past 3 weeks I have had a rental car. I experienced the town in a whole new way, and my new perspective brought about a revelation about my recovery process relative to my last relationship—the one that took me over 6 months to get over.

A few years ago, in the midst of the chaos of our somewhat codependent, dramatic relationship I had the thought, ” some day I’m going to drive by his place and it will be like driving by any other house on this block.” It was one of those surreal moments when I zoomed out of the confusion of the current situation into a more balanced future.

And my intuition was right! It is amazing how real and intense something can be one day, and then another day be completely different.

Well, it’s not totally accurate to say that driving by his house was exactly the same as any other house because we are still friends now, but there certainly were no charged emotions: no longing, no heart-ache, no fear, no suspicion, and no excitement when I drove by. I realized, “well, what da ya know, I am really finally over him!”

If people tell you that they think you are still not over your ex, or if you have any lingering doubt yourself about your feelings for him or her, do a drive by.

I don’t suggest doing the drive by if you already have his stuff loaded into your back seat, and you’re ready to chuck it onto his front lawn or driveway (yes, I did this during the first month after the break up).

Notice your thoughts and feelings before, during and after the drive by. Passing by their house can give you some clues about any unresolved tensions, passions, obsessions, or resentments that may be lurking in your unconscious mind.

You may be pleasantly, or unpleasantly surprised by your experience.

I Love You, Condition Your Hair.

Maybe you’re thinking, what the does that title mean. Where is she going with this one? Some of you may already know exactly where it’s going.

Well, it is a long, long standing tradition that my mother must comment on my hair, for some reason, every time I see her. Even yesterday, after 3 weeks in her hospital bed, in and out of states of delirium and dementia. I hoped that maybe this time the goodnight-goodbye “I love you” could just have ended at that…sweet and silent. But noooooo. It STILL had to be followed by a comment about my hair.

By the way, I happen to LIKE my hair. Well, sometimes.

A month ago at my only uncle’s funeral service she just couldn’t help but toss a comment. There I was, feeling a little prettier than usual, and dressed up for the occasion. Hell, even my long lost cousins said I looked great (at 48 this feels like a nice compliment). Mom turned to look at me. I thought she was going to blurt out something special, deep, or touching. After all, we were at a funeral. She just uttered, “You need to condition your hair.”

I know intellectually that it’s coming from her love for me, but it never FEELS that way when it happens. I feel like a Barbie doll.

Yes, I admit it. The button is still there to be pushed. There is yet more work to do on my part.

This last time in the hospital I asked more though. I am actually becoming more intrigued by the phenomenon. It may seem like a small thing to you, but it was good for me to become inquisitive, and not just react. “Why are you still so obsessed about my hair?” I asked her. “I remember how it used to be.” She replied. “But I am almost 50 years old now!” my voice a little too loud for a rehab nursing home. I left the hospital, still mystified by her constant focus on my hair.

So, I wonder what today’s humid, NJ weather will do for my hair. I’m going to the hospital to see her. Let’s see what she has to say!

If you have had similar experiences, please feel free to post a comment. It is so fascinating, isn’t it?

Yoga at Your Wall available at Barnes and Noble!

Amidst the family hardships of late (mom is still in the hospital), a good thing happened today: My newest book, Yoga at Your Wall, by Stephanie Pappas (Codependent Yogi) is in stock and available at Barnes and Noble in Bridgewater, NJ at the Somerville circle! Support your local struggling yogini and pick up a copy! Barnes and Noble Somerset Shopping Center 319 Route 202/206 Bridgewater, NJ 08807 908-526-7425
If you are not in NJ or near this store you can request a copy through your own local Barnes and Noble store.
With Gratitude and Love,
Stephanie

Reflections of a Codependent Yogi book in progress

Return to the Interior

Many people have asked me…and the answer is, “Yes, yes already, I have read Eat, Pray, Love!”

Yes, I have also traveled to those places, but I came home with a cat and not a soul mate.

My travels took me to a different place within myself. My relationships lead me back to self-reflection, re-thinking, and wonder.

My book is called Reflections of a Codependent Yogi.

Somebody has to write it. To be released year end 2009.

http://www.CodependentYogi.com

The Reluctant Yogi: One Pose or One Minute a Day Philosophy

Have you taken some yoga classes and read some yoga books, but still find yourself unable to practice on your own?

Try my one pose, or one minute a day philosophy to jump start your yoga practice and overcome your resistance.

The truth is, a daily yoga practice could last one minute or several hours. Give yourself the freedom to decide. Sometimes we may think we want to practice for only five minutes and then two hours magically fly by. If you put pressure on yourself to practice for a long time, you may never practice at all. When students or teachers tell me that they can’t practice or get started practicing on their own, I suggest they try my “one pose or one minute a day” plan. They seem so surprised when I suggest this. Give yourself a break and practice one of your favorite poses on a daily basis, or practice one minute of yoga per day. Notice where it takes you. One minute may turn into one hour before you know it. Let me know what happens! I look forward to your comments here on the blog.

This excerpt is taken from my new book, Yoga at Your Wall.

http://www.YogaAtYourWall.com

Candid Replies to Yoga Questions You Were Embarrassed to Ask: Feeling Competitive?

Even though I know yoga is not about competition I find myself looking at other students and comparing myself. I don’t want to do this, but it happens anyway. Do you have any suggestions?

This is a very honest question. I have noticed many students doing this in class. I know that most all of us have felt competitive in life at one time or another. Well, at least you are aware of it! So when you catch yourself feeling competitive in class or in life, just bring your focus once again to your body, your breath, or the feelings behind your impulse to be competitive.

What is your intention for being in the yoga class? Are you trying to impress someone? The teacher? Was this a pattern in your family of origin? Was competitiveness encouraged between siblings?

It is all part of the process of becoming aware of our tendencies and thoughts. Certain mind-body types have this tendency more than others. If you are curious, read more about the “pitta” body type in Ayurveda.

Forgive yourself and focus back on your own practice.

Love, Stephanie Pappas

Candid Replies to Yoga Questions You Were Afraid to Ask: Feeling Angry in Class?

Once in a while I feel angry with the teacher for making us do certain things in class. Why?

There are different reasons why you may feel angry: the teacher may be over-zealous or lack empathy, you may be pushing yourself too hard, you may be physically over-heated, you may be angry at something else, or you may be picking up on someone else’s anger.

In the first case, the teacher may be pushing you too hard in class, or not instructing to your level of ability. Once a student told me that they felt angry because a teacher asked the class to perform headstands, but did not offer any instruction for how to build into a headstand for the students who were unfamiliar with the techniques. If this is the case, I would suggest speaking to the teacher after class and offer your feedback.

You may feel angry because you are not honoring your body and resting when you need to if the class is getting too challenging. Listen to your own needs and body signals.

Love, Stephanie Pappas

Safety Tips for Practicing Yoga at a Wall

Squat Pose with Low Back to the Wall

By their nature, walls are hard surfaces. If you are used to practicing yoga without a wall, you may have a tendency at first to collide inadvertently with the wall when you are not expecting it. In addition to the speci􀃫c details given for each posture about how to set up at the wall, here are some other general safety measures to keep in mind:

• Move all furniture, pictures, lamps, hanging  fixtures, and objects away from the sides, back and front of you. A safe distance from objects is at least your own height with your arms   extended overhead.
• Pick a smooth, even wall surface.
• Ensure there are no nails in the wall.
• Have your yoga props nearby so you don’t have to reach for them while you are in a pose. Yoga props such as yoga blocks, a strap, a pillow, and a throw blanket, will add to your experience of the practice.
• Use caution when pressing your foot against the wall. In postures like warrior 3 and half moon 2 you do not look at the wall when positioning your foot, so if you are too close to the wall, you could bang your foot during the set up.
• Practice with a yoga sticky mat adjacent to the wall to prevent slipping and create a strong foundation in the base of the pose.
• When practicing arm balances like the handstand pose, make sure the ceiling is at least as high as your height on tippy toes with your arms extended. This is especially important if you will be practicing in your basement, or in a room with low ceilings.
• Practice with a window open so that you can breathe fresh air while you practice.